I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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