dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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