after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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