everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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