I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
