I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
