I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Randomize
