the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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