I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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