you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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