Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
