Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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