I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize