Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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