I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
