oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
