You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
