i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
