I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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