You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
