I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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