Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
