just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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