I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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