At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
