put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
