He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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