last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
When are your genitals available?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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