toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think I died a long time ago.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize