So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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