is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
