Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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