And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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