You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
