He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
