I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
