Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
