I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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