i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
