I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
