I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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