I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
