Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
