also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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