My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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