i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
