So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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