You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
