I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
