dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
