My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so let's talk penis.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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