He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I didn't notice because vodka
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
