He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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