Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
