i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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