make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
