My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
