in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
