One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
