honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
