THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
