They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
