Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize