I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
