the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
