you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
