While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
