I could make wine with my vomit
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
