Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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