when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
