In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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