I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
