omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
