first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
