haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize