remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
