Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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