Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
