her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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