Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So many bounce houses so little time
She bit a glass in half.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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