Your face is a jimmy john
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
