So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
