Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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