Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize