If that was your dad, he is hot
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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