Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
false alarm, still single
Randomize
