Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
