Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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