My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
