I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
