I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Randomize
