I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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