dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
