Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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