I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
