Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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