Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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