I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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