i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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