if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
