i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
