ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This baby is an asshole
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
