Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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